Connecting in the 21st Century

It's a big, big world - made considerably smaller by the many ways it is possible to connect now in 2010. I sit here in my new apartment on a tropical island in Malaysia, looking out over the bay where ferries, yachts, and small fishing boats thread their way between small sailboats apparently engaged in a sailing class. All the vehicles for travel to and from this island -- small, medium, and  large -- are represented. In the same way, the means available in 2010 of connecting with others function at and represent multiple levels. I can connect with my new neighbors one-to-one and face-to-face locally,  or I can attend meetings, concerts, or classes and trade business cards and plug new numbers in my mobile. Now, too, I connect with family and friends and make new contacts online. Their families and friends may connect as well --  all these connections -- small, medium, and large -- ripple out to shape a much broader world.

Living so far from my family and former circles of workmates and friends, whenever the internet connections go down, I experience 'isolation anxiety.' This was far worse in the days predating the internet. I remember being in Japan in 1991 when my (now-ex) husband back in New York was going through some difficult times. The telephone connections were tinny and expensive. A letter would take 3 weeks. I sent a telegram that chased him over several states. The distance between us felt enormous and I felt so useless when trying to help from afar. These were days when I found the Japanese culture around me to be so alien and my sense of 'culture shock' acute. To comfort myself, I would go to American movies shown in English (with Japanese subtitles) as a way to alleviate that sense of isolation and to spend some hours 'inside' my native culture with people I think I understand.

TV and movies have been around all my life, though not so for my parents' generation (I wonder how my perceptions of friendships, connections, the nature of the world around us differ from theirs). The characters onscreen have a deceptive transparency. I think I know them. I often catch myself thinking of them -- and the actors that play them -- as "friends." Clearly, I am not alone in this nor am I unaware of the extremes -- couch potatoes still in their nightclothes staring at "the boob tube," on one hand, stalkers and the 'paparazzi' who haunt the celebrities on the other -- both cross the line into irrationality. I am not so far gone as that but living in a foreign culture (or in an uncomfortable situation when home in your native culture), these "friends" and their situations acquire an importance. Recently, I indulged in an "American Idol" addiction watching a rerun of the whole 8th season (they are now doing the 10th). Adam Lambert will be performing in Kuala Lumpur and Hong Kong next month and I find myself trying to figure out how to get to the concert. I have come to "care" about him. It's a deceptive and false connection between fan and celebrity but it does satisfy some essential need for connection.

Startlingly, social media, especially Facebook, has also provided reconnections with the past. I have heard from people I knew as far back as kindergarten. Having moved a lot, I completely lost touch with them. Now I hear they remember me as I once was -- do I still resemble my childhood self in any way?  I really enjoy reading the wall entries. This enables me to know a bit about what people I care about are thinking or doing or seeing (photographs often communicate even more)-- but I don't have to reply or write an email or a letter (does anyone still write letters?) The past, present, and the future all compress in these entries. Distance disappears.

Reading and writing blogs, websites, emails, tweeting, posting videos on Youtube, and so much more -- the possibilities for connections seem to expand exponentially day by day. Who knows what the generations to come will employ? At this moment in history, ten years into the 21st century, I take real pleasure in the shortening of distances and time. I am comforted by the options to stay connected with the world-at-large and those I care most about.

At the same time, I have isolated myself on an island. I am concerned about crime, loss of privacy and identity theft as we all should be. I have much that I wish to share in my writing but I am also sufficiently thin-skinned to be concerned about criticism and spamming -- the hurtful side of these new media. When distance and time no longer serve as protection, shutting down and cutting off become the best defense. So my current questions touch on the psychology of connections: What are the best ways in 2010 to share and connect without leaving yourself open to attack? What are the most important things that we need to learn from the ever-changing environment shaped by the new media? How do we deal with the perceptual changes in distance and time? And perhaps most importantly, what do those of us alive now have to tell -- or even teach -- the next generations?